DIVORCING
even this marriage of 40 years --has been temporary! --as "limited fork theory" already believes! --nothing --including long-term marriage--remains as it is/was
 
BELOW IS ME WITH MY SPOUSE, JUST AFTER THE WEDDING, 25 August, 1973 --I was a teenager, just nineteen years old! --on the heels of a rape when I was 15, and became pregnant! --my son: Ansted belongs only to me! --he's 21, but my spouse was unable to procreate, and even announced that "fair was fair" --so if he couldn't have a child, then neither could I --after the rape, I was left silent and frigid; my "spouse" rectified this frigidity ---but I remained silent for many, many years --uncertain how to become what I always felt I could.... I was still in high school! --hadn't yet determined what my life might be... We adopted two children --children I loved deeply, but I still craved a biological connection, despite the Huntington's Disease in my paternal family my father's sister died from Huntington's --half of them! --and my Minnesota Aunt died from complication of Multiple Sclerosis also (which I also have) But I achieved and prevailed in college! --graduating first in my class and Phi Beta Kappa! Then I taught at Phillips Academy in Andover, MA , right after completing my graduate studies at The University of New Hampshire, after receiving my lowest grade, an "A-" at Oberlin College and using that space that this "-" opened to attempt to fill it with "limited fork theory".  Although I'd married young, I was trying to make up for deficits created by decisions I made when I was too young to make decisions that would affect me for the rest of my life!  My spouse did the best that he could! --and I'm grateful for learning to like intimacy again (wasn't easy), but we were so different from each other; I favored a certain intellectuality that my spouse lacked --not his fault-- but helped to emphasize  differences that over the years, drew us further apart...  No hope for this situation! Then in 1996, I won a "MacArthur Fellowship" (here read about: an Oberlin alum winning this award--after my son was born,--so complicated-- after coming to the University of Michigan --where this spouse also works! --invited here, because I was! --I wouldn't come unless my spouse also had a job! --so here I am, finally severing something that shouldn't have united! --finally becoming a "woman alone".... I'm glad that my spouse was able to get his job because of me... I'm sorry that a man of his age (23) thought that a 16-year-old girl (we become involved just before my 17th birthday) who'd just been raped and who'd had an abortion could be "right" for him for the rest of his life! --as his lawyer filed for divorce today (2 May 2013), I guess he realizes that this won't work anymore --and I also had a rupture of a cranial aneurysm  that nearly killed me... Something about this "near-death" experience changed me! --made me realize final chances to try to gain any control over my life!  So here I am, wrestling with these developments, in a reversal of what many might feel to be more "natural" roles for men and women, as I'm the one whose job brought us here;  I'm the one with the larger salary; I'm the one who attempted to salvage a life almost ruined, but this salvage wasn't attempted with someone my age....